Next chapter of life

I can say, December is officially the worst month of the year. So many things happened out of my expectation, I can take the first one, but not the 2nd and 3rd one.

College, people are starting their college in 20 days time. I planned to start college after the results are out. But when the results are out, the intakes are april and july. April is express classes, only genius can do it, and im not. So it's july. July, 6 months later than those who are taking jan intake. And I have to work for 6 months. I really dont know how i will be by that time, I might be losing all my study mood, or forget everything I've learned during high school. How stupid I will be by that time? I dont want to feel stupid at all! I hate the feeling of being stupid. I cant be stupid. Noone expects me to be stupid. So now you should be thinking, go for jan intake then! I dont have that amount of money, neither my dad. And I said I'm not going to use a sen from my dad for my education. So if I did, means I lied for the past few months?

They are telling me that I will have more choices right after the results are out, I might be applying scholarships, or getting even better offers with the results in my hand. Thinking back on those papers, I got no confidence on my results at all. So if my results are bad, and no better offer, not even scholarships? What am I supposed to do? Form 6 will be the only choice, and I will be wearing school uniform again , cheers!

You wont know how depressed I am when dad said he dont have a sen for me to study. I cried immediately but luckily it was dark and I ran to somewhere else. I can never forget that sentence man, it's like repeating in my mind. So guys, appreciate what you have, seriously.

2 more days then I have to decide Jan or July, huge decision to make. Hope I did the right one, I dont have to have any regrets, I cant take any regrets, I got no cash for that.

There will be a xray appointment next week. That x ray is like deciding whether I should do the operation or act like normal ppl. Whether I need to carry a metal rod and 13 screws for the entire life, or jump roll fall like a normal human.

Im gonna stuck back to my korean drama for now, before I cry in front of my bro, shame!